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Collisions with birds are a serious threat to both military and civilian airplanes. And, yes, the military could have spent millions of dollars developing an avian projectile that would have the same characteristics as a bird, and millions of dollars more manufacturing these synthetic projectiles to be fired at airplane windshields and engines for testing purposes. Or they could just buy dead chickens. And in a rare case of sensible military spending decisions, they did indeed, back in the 1990s, develop and implement the chicken gun.
The military could have spent millions of dollars developing an avian projectile…Or they could just buy dead chickens.”
Was this a science story? Well, when you’re developing a science radio feature for teen listeners, the answer is, yes, absolutely! Or “close enough.” It’s technology, it’s engineering and, well, “chicken gun.”
So the story of the chicken gun became one of the 14 pilot episodes for Sonic Boom, featuring Rhea Seahorn, John Tweel, Steven Carpenter, and (I’m sorry… I’ve forgotten the other last names) Alex, Lloyd, Renina, and Ami. John and Steve already worked on another radio program we produced (the Peabody Award winning children’s drama Kinetic City Super Crew.) Rhea, Alex, Lloyd, Renina and Ami auditioned for the gig on November 23, 1996, along with dozens of other DC-area actors. And on December 14, they were part of the call-backs for final cast selection. Rhea Seehorn, unsurprisingly, was a standout (no disrespect to our other cast members—we were fortunate to have them, too.)
Here is that show, followed by the transcript, followed by some fun chicken gun additional info.
Sonic Boom: Chicken Gun Transcript
Rhea
Rhea here with Lloyd and Alex. Today on Sonic Boom: It’s a bird, it’s a plane, it’s a mess.
Alex
Hey, Alex here. We’re answering a letter from Jerome Walker in Chicago. He has two questions. First, did the Air Force really build a gun that shoots chickens out of it?
Rhea
Don’t be ridiculous, Alex, the Air Force didn’t build a chicken cannon. They bought it from the Navy.
Lloyd
Yeah, right, Rhea. Give me one good reason why the US Armed Forces would want to turn an ordinary oven stuffer into a cruise missile.
Alex
How’s this? They use it to test out the windshields of fighter jets.
Rhea
That’s right. Planes hit birds all the time. And if I’m a pilot roaring along at mach one, the last thing I want is a broken windshield and a face full of bird guts.
Alex
Yeah, I hear what you’re saying. Now, here’s Jerome’s other question: how do the chickens feel about all this?
Rhea
Not much. They’re dead. They get them from the supermarket. About the only thing going through these birds heads is their feet.
Lloyd
Sick. For your information, guys, bird impacts are actually a serious problem. Planes have actually gone down because of it. That’s why I get bird collision insurance every time I fly.
Alex
I know what you’re talking about. Lloyd, my uncle was in the Air Force. They almost lost their squad leader when his plane smacked into a pelican.
Rhea
And pilots aren’t the only ones that have to worry. High speed trains can get wrecked by birds too. In fact, I heard this great story: a while back, British Rail borrowed the Air Force chicken gun, but they kind of screwed up the procedure.
Lloyd
I’m afraid to ask what happened?
Alex
Kaboom, the sucker went right through the windshield, past the driver’s seat. Next thing you know is clearing out the overhead luggage compartment.
Lloyd
The lesson being?
Rhea
If you’re going to flip the bird at a train, you better thaw it out first.
Alex
For Sonic Boom, I’m Alex with Lloyd and Rhea, and we’re out.
Want More Chicken Gun Info?
Whoa, you’re hardcore. Okay, here’s the Wikipedia entry for Chicken Gun, which covers the long history of poultry in motion
Pistol Packing Poultry:
Still aren’t chickened out? Well, there’s a game called Chicken Gun, in which “ Armed chickens shoot and fight with each other. Shooting on the network with two modes, 5 vs 5 and Against All. You can cool your rooster, weapon, beak, sneakers and caps.”
Have fun! And let’s make Cool Your Rooster happen.
More Chickens With Guns:
PETA created this gun-toting chicken to remind us that while dead birds don’t tell tales, they can transmit deadly pathogens.
Guns in Chickens (Bonus: Florida Man!)
Putting chickens in guns is a job for our armed forces. Putting guns in chickens is a job for FLORIDA MAN! Yes, Fox News 13 reports that a man attempted to smuggle a gun through TSA by hiding it in the body cavity of a chicken which, as it turns out, did not have a valid concealed carry permit.
A Solstice Story